TOP News

Health & Fit: Tess Holliday: I was as shocked as everyone when I learned I had anorexia

4-year-old girl gets the best birthday present: A new heart

  4-year-old girl gets the best birthday present: A new heart The family hopes that Addie's story encourages others to consider organ donation to help save other children's lives.“A year ago when we were presented with the options it was either do the surgery and put her on the ventricular assist device (VAD) or they were going to send her home on hospice,” dad Allen Hughes, 38, of Valparaiso, Indiana, told TODAY. “It was a life or death kind of thing.

I started using food to cope after my mother was shot when I was 10 years old.

I remember my aunt gave me a bowl of soup and I put a whole pack of crackers in the soup, little by little, and I remember how it made me feel. I started overeating. Even though I’m from the South, where larger-bodied individuals are more common than in some other parts of the country, my family was critical of what I ate. I started hiding food. As I got older, I struggled with anorexia. I didn’t know that’s what it was until last year — but for over 10 years, I have restricted food.

That means I don’t eat — or when I do eat, it’s very little. Or sometimes it’s one large meal a day. My dietician, Anna Sweeney, first brought it to my attention. She told me, “I’m not licensed to diagnose you, but if I could, I would diagnose you with anorexia nervosa.”

These Nature-y Gifts Are (Mostly) Practical And Entirely Fun

  These Nature-y Gifts Are (Mostly) Practical And Entirely Fun Whether they prefer the beach, mountains, or their own garden, we have the perfect present for them.

When she said anorexia, I laughed. I thought, “Do you see how fat I am? There’s no way that word could ever be attached to someone my size.” She referred me to a psychologist, who confirmed the diagnosis.

When I shared that I had anorexia on social media last year, it blew up. I posted it on a whim, sitting on my bed where I’m sitting now. I just needed to talk about it. That’s how I’ve always operated. I have always been as transparent and honest as I’m able to in hopes that it will help someone else feel less alone. My manager said, “Why didn’t you tell me first?” I didn’t think it would be that big of a deal. But I had no idea how broken the eating disorder community is. I had no idea how few resources there are for people like me.

People said I was lying. There are people who believe I was saying this to get attention. I’ve had some people say, “You’re doing this to stay relevant.” I laugh because I know it’s untrue, but it’s so indicative of what a large problem this is. I feel grateful that I’m tough enough to talk about this, but I’ve since taken a lot of steps backwards in my recovery. I’ve regressed. I haven’t eaten today. It’s 11 o’clock and I’ve had two sips of coffee, and I feel sick. This has been extremely hard on my mental and physical health.

“Never Have I Ever” Star Megan Suri on Aneesa & Why We Need Cool Indian Girls

  “Never Have I Ever” Star Megan Suri on Aneesa & Why We Need Cool Indian Girls “I’m so stoked that I got to play a brown character like Aneesa who is something we don’t see.”22-year-old Megan joined the cast of Never Have I Ever as the affable and charming Aneesa, whose eating disorder becomes the central focus of the school’s attention due to the loose lips of her so-called friend Devi. Megan, whose face you may recognize from guest-star turns on shows like Fresh Off the Boat and Atypical, wasn’t aware of Aneesa’s powerful storyline prior to arriving for a fitting, but she felt a responsibility in portraying a character with so many complexities.

Tess Holliday (Jon Kopaloff / FilmMagic) © Jon Kopaloff Tess Holliday (Jon Kopaloff / FilmMagic)

I chose to share my diagnosis because it’s not just about a desire for thinness. I’m not restricting because I want to be thin. I’ve just done this for so long. I wish I could tell you that I’m good at feeding my body, but I’m not. I tell myself, “Oh, I’ll eat later,” but I didn’t realize that by not eating, I was starving my body. Your body just holds onto whatever food it can because it doesn’t know when you’re going to feed it again.

I still struggle with wrapping my head around, “How can I be in a fat body and be starving?” Then I realized that bodies of all sizes and shapes starve. (Editor's note: It is a myth that anorexia only occurs in patients who have extremely low body weights. Atypical anorexia nervosa is a restrictive eating disorder that occurs in patients whose body weight is at or above normal, and experts say it is under-recognized.)

Today I Decided to Give Up on My Eating Disorder

  Today I Decided to Give Up on My Eating Disorder The moment one woman realized she had to choose between eating disorder recovery and her life.This year, I wasn’t sure that was true. Things were supposed to be looking up after the isolation and terror of 2020. I was healing from a year and a half battle with gastroparesis, a gastrointestinal disease with no set cure. I had a surgical feeding tube placed and was stuck on a feeding pump since 2019. I had been unable to work because of my struggles with this disease as well as fighting anorexia for over 16 years.

So many people who are in larger bodies have messaged me and said, “I never thought I restricted until you started talking about this.” It’s been very empowering, but it’s also made me incredibly sad. To get a diagnosis when there is so much weight bias and stigma in the medical industry is difficult. It’s tough when you hear the word anorexia and it’s only equated with one kind of image. It’s detrimental to so many people, including myself.

Recovery for me is messy. It’s lonely. It’s hard to deal with something for which there isn’t enough support. Having a diagnosis has been liberating and it has made me feel less alone, but the confused look on people’s faces when I say anorexia or the stares I get if it comes up in conversation — that’s hard.

I remind myself that my feelings are valid. I go to therapy. Talking about it has helped. I surround myself with people who can gently say, “Have you eaten today?” or, “Let’s have a protein shake." I make sure I have things in my house that are easy to grab and eat. Moving my body makes it easier for me to feed myself because it makes it harder to ignore the feelings of hunger.

Kelsea Ballerini Gets Honest About Recovering From Bulimia In Her New Book

  Kelsea Ballerini Gets Honest About Recovering From Bulimia In Her New Book “I’ve re-calibrated what it means to me to just look in the mirror.”And now, in a new interview, Kelsea is getting candid about how battling bulimia as a teen has changed her worldview as an adult. "My parents had just gotten divorced, and I think for me, it was a source of control," the "hole in the bottle" singer told People.

There is no space for people who are in larger bodies to ever exist in the world where we aren’t being told that we need to lose weight or change our bodies. January is an extremely hard time because it starts with the diet talk and the “new year, new you” messaging. Then it migrates into getting your body ready for summer. It never ends, and fat people are more aware of this messaging than anyone because it is shouted at us from the moment we present as fat in the world.

For folks who claim they actually care about fat bodies and plus-size people and want to “help” us, the way you can help us is by supporting our mental health, and by understanding that there are so many people struggling with what I’m struggling with, but they don’t know it, and they can’t name it, and they can’t get a diagnosis, because our system has never been set up to support folks in larger bodies.

And to people who are struggling, I say to find support. One of the bright spots that has come from COVID-19 has been increased access to mental health professionals online. I found someone to talk to through just Googling someone in my area. I literally would not have been able to do any of this if I didn’t have that help.

As told to Rheana Murray

If you’re struggling with an eating disorder and need help, information or resources, visit the NEDA website or call 1-800-931-2237.

Why You Should Stop Using the Term 'Clean Eating' .
"Clean" is often used to describe food choices that are seemingly wholesome and "healthy," but registered dietitians say the term does more harm than good."Clean eating" may not be a prescriptive fully formed diet à la the Mediterranean or keto eating styles, but the concept and terminology are just as pervasive — and influential. Gwyneth Paltrow has her own cookbook, The Clean Plate, featuring more than 100 recipes designed to "make clean eating doable and even fun." Instagram users have posted nearly 49 million images and videos with the hashtag #cleaneating.

See also